Ever felt like you needed a decoder ring to understand lifestyle conversations? You’re not alone. The swinging and ethical non-monogamy communities have developed their own rich vocabulary—part practical shorthand, part cultural markers, and part inside jokes that became standard terminology.

This comprehensive guide will help you speak the language fluently, understand profiles and conversations, and recognize the subtle signals and symbols that identify fellow lifestyle participants in the wild. Consider this your Rosetta Stone for the lifestyle.

Essential Terminology

The Basics

Lifestyle / The Lifestyle (LS) The umbrella term for consensual non-monogamy, swinging, and open relationships. Using “the lifestyle” is a discreet way to reference these practices in mixed company. When someone says they’re “in the lifestyle,” they’re identifying as non-monogamous.

Vanilla Anyone not involved in the lifestyle, or activities that are conventional/non-kinky. Not a judgment—just a neutral descriptor. Your coworkers, most of your family, and that couple at the coffee shop are probably vanilla. You can be “vanilla” in some contexts and lifestyle-oriented in others.

Swinging Engaging in sexual activities with people outside your primary relationship, typically with your partner’s knowledge and consent. Generally focused on recreational sex rather than romantic relationships. Can range from soft swap to full swap and everything in between.

Open Relationship A relationship where partners agree to have sexual or romantic relationships with others. Broader than swinging and may include solo dating or developing emotional connections outside the primary relationship.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) The umbrella term covering all forms of consensual non-monogamy—swinging, open relationships, polyamory, relationship anarchy, and more. The “ethical” part emphasizes honesty, consent, and communication.

Polyamory Having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Different from swinging in that it includes emotional intimacy and love, not just sex. Poly folks often use different relationship models—triads, quads, polycules, hierarchical vs. non-hierarchical, and more.

Consent A clear, specific affirmation and agreement to a sexual advance or activity. Most often requires a spoken request followed by a verbal “yes.” Consent is NEVER “implied” in the lifestyle. It’s ongoing, can be withdrawn at any time, and is the foundation of everything in the lifestyle community.

Participant Types

Unicorn A single bisexual woman willing to join couples with no drama or demands. Called a “unicorn” because they’re rare and highly sought after. Finding a genuine unicorn is like winning the lifestyle lottery. Most experienced single bi women know their worth and won’t tolerate being treated as a “third” or disposable.

Bull A single man (usually well-endowed and confident) who plays with hotwife couples, often with the husband watching or participating minimally. Bulls are typically respectful of boundaries and understand the dynamic they’re entering. Not the same as a random single male—bulls are specifically sought for the hotwife/cuckold dynamic.

Unicorn Hunter Usually a couple seeking a bisexual woman to join them, often with unrealistic expectations, numerous rules, or treating the woman as a disposable sex toy rather than a person with her own needs. This term has negative connotations because many unicorn hunters approach single bi women disrespectfully.

Third / Play Partner A more respectful term for someone joining a couple for play. Acknowledges them as an equal participant rather than an accessory or “addition.”

Single Male Exactly what it sounds like, but worth defining because single males often face more restrictions at lifestyle venues and events. Some venues limit their numbers or charge higher entry fees to maintain gender balance.

Single Female A woman attending lifestyle events solo. Usually welcomed enthusiastically at most venues. Many are experienced lifestyle participants who prefer attending independently.

Couple Two people in a relationship exploring the lifestyle together. The majority of lifestyle participants are couples. Can be married, long-term partners, or dating—the relationship status matters less than the mutual agreement to explore.

Newbie An affectionate term for someone new to the lifestyle. Not usually used derogatorily—the community is generally welcoming to newbies who are respectful and willing to learn. Everyone was a newbie once.

Situational Someone who might participate in certain activities “under the right circumstances” but doesn’t commit to them regularly. Often used as a qualifier: “situational full swap” means they’re normally soft swap but occasionally go further with the right couple.

Swapping Styles

Full Swap Couples engaging in penetrative sex with other partners. This is what most people think of as “swinging.” Typically includes oral, penetrative sex, and everything in between.

Soft Swap Sexual activities that exclude penetrative sex with other partners. Usually includes kissing, touching, oral sex, and manual stimulation, but stops short of intercourse. Many couples start here before progressing to full swap, while others prefer to stay soft swap indefinitely. The exact limits of soft swap should be clarified before play, as different people define it differently.

Same Room / Same Room Only Playing with others while staying in the same room as your partner. You can see and hear each other during play. Many couples find this enhances the experience and provides a sense of security. Common at clubs and parties. One of the most common boundaries for new couples.

Separate Room / Separate Play Playing with others in different rooms or spaces where you can’t see your partner. Requires a higher level of trust and comfort. Not everyone progresses to separate room play, and that’s completely fine. Not the same as an open relationship—typically happens with a couple you’re both playing with, just in different spaces.

Parallel Play Couples having sex with their own partners in the same room as another couple. You’re turned on by the presence and energy of others without actually swapping. This is often a great first step for new couples. Perfect for voyeurs and exhibitionists.

Girl/Girl Only When the women in couples play with each other, but the men don’t participate with other partners. Common in soft swap situations or when male partners aren’t bisexual but the women are.

Sexual Orientations in the Lifestyle

Bi-Sexual A person who enjoys sex with members of both sexes. Bi-sexual women seem to be much more prevalent in the lifestyle than bi-sexual men, though some guys may be reluctant to admit it due to lingering stigma.

Bi-Curious A person who may be interested in exploring sex with people of the same gender. Most women in the lifestyle identify themselves as bi-curious, though there’s wide latitude in what they mean by that. Many would be better described as “bi-tolerant,” “bi-comfortable,” or “bi-receptive.”

Bi-Comfortable A person who enjoys sex with the opposite gender and is, at least, willing to participate in some sexual activity with others of their own gender. More engaged than bi-tolerant but not necessarily seeking same-sex encounters.

Bi-Receptive / Bi-Passive A person who is willing to let others of the same sex perform on them, though they are not willing to reciprocate. Most often, this is a woman who enjoys the oral skills of another woman but is not eager to reciprocate.

Bi-Tolerant A person who is willing to engage with others of the same sex but generally does not find personal pleasure in it. Will go along with it to please their partner or fit in, but it’s not their preference.

Hotwife & Cuckold Dynamics

Hotwife A married or partnered woman who has sex with other men (and sometimes women) with her partner’s enthusiastic knowledge and encouragement. This dynamic emphasizes her sexual empowerment and freedom. The husband/partner typically knows about and supports these encounters, often hearing about them afterward or occasionally watching.

Hotwifing The practice of being or having a hotwife. Centers on female sexual empowerment and agency. Different from cheating because it’s consensual and agreed upon.

Stag/Vixen Similar to hotwife, but typically with more emphasis on the male partner’s enjoyment of sharing his partner. The “stag” actively encourages and often watches his “vixen” wife with other men. There’s usually less emphasis on humiliation compared to cuckolding.

Cuckold / Cuckolding A dynamic where a man derives pleasure from his wife having sex with other men, often involving an element of power exchange, denial, or humiliation. The “cuckold” may watch, be denied sexual access to his wife, or be verbally humiliated as part of the dynamic. This is a consensual kink with negotiated boundaries.

Cuckquean The female equivalent of a cuckold. A woman who derives pleasure from her male partner having sex with other women. Like cuckolding, this can involve elements of humiliation, denial, or power exchange, though it doesn’t have to. The cuckquean may watch, participate minimally, or be denied access entirely, depending on the dynamic.

Bull (Hotwife Context) The man who has sex with a hotwife. In this context, the bull is specifically chosen for his physical attributes, sexual prowess, or personality. He understands and respects the dynamic between the couple.

Cuck Short for cuckold. In lifestyle contexts, this is typically a self-identified role rather than an insult. The person who finds pleasure in their partner being with others, often with a submissive or humiliation component.

Cage / Chastity A device worn by some cuckolds that prevents erection or sexual activity, often used as part of the power dynamic. The keyholder (usually the wife) controls when/if it’s removed. This is an advanced kink practice with specific safety considerations.

Sexual Acts & Positions

Airtight When a woman is being penetrated in three orifices simultaneously—typically vaginal, anal, and oral. Requires at least three male participants and significant coordination. Not common outside of specific scenarios like gang bangs.

DP (Double Penetration) Simultaneous penetration by two penises or toys. Most commonly refers to simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration. Variations include:

  • DVP (Double Vaginal Penetration) - Two penises in the vagina simultaneously
  • DAP (Double Anal Penetration) - Two penises in the anus simultaneously

Gang Bang Group sex with one member of one sex and multiple members of the other. Most often, a gang bang involves one woman with multiple men, either sequentially or simultaneously. Different from an orgy in that the focus is on one person receiving attention from many others.

Bareback Having sex without a condom. Increasingly uncommon and discouraged in the lifestyle due to STI concerns. Most lifestyle venues and experienced participants require condom use for penetrative sex with people outside your primary relationship.

Play Sexual activity with others. “We generally don’t play on the first date.” Can refer to any sexual activity from kissing to full intercourse, depending on context.

BDSM & Kink Terms

BDSM Bondage, Discipline, and Sado-Masochism. A general term referring to a wide variety of “kinky” practices, generally including restraints, dominance and submission, and pain play. However, not all BDSM involves pain or domination. While there’s overlap between BDSM and the lifestyle, the two are quite different. Many in the BDSM community would never consider swinging, and vice versa.

Bondage A fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth, belts, or leather straps are used to bind, tie, or hold a participating sexual partner. Can range from light restraint with scarves to elaborate rope work (shibari).

Sensual Bondage Using restraints not just to restrict movement, but to enhance pleasure through strategic rope work, fabric choice, and knot placement. Less intense than traditional BDSM bondage, focusing on sensation rather than control or pain.

Dominant Evidencing a desire for control, assertive, generally “in charge” within a relationship, in contrast to a more submissive partner. This power dynamic may be fluid or create an overarching context for an entire relationship.

Submissive The opposite of dominant. A submissive partner yields control within the relationship (or at least parts of the relationship) to their dominant partner.

Safe Word A predetermined word that immediately stops all activity. Most common in BDSM but increasingly used in lifestyle play. Should be something you’d never say during sex normally (not “stop” or “no” if you enjoy saying those as part of play). Common safe words: “red” (stop immediately), “yellow” (slow down/check in).

Kink / Kinky Sexual preferences that fall outside of those things generally considered common and ordinary. This is a relative term, since one person’s “normal” may be “kinky” or “extreme” to someone else.

Relationship Structures

Primary Partner In hierarchical non-monogamy, this is your main partner—usually the person you live with, share finances with, or consider your “life partner.” Other partners are typically called secondary or tertiary.

Secondary Partner A partner who has less priority or involvement in your life than your primary partner. This doesn’t mean they’re less valued, just that the relationship has different boundaries or commitments.

Nesting Partner Someone you live with and share daily life with, regardless of where they fall in a hierarchy. This term is used in both poly and swinging contexts.

Anchor Partner Similar to primary, but without the implied hierarchy. Someone who provides stability and is central to your life, but not necessarily “above” other partners.

Metamour Your partner’s other partner. In polyamory, how you relate to your metamours varies—some are close friends, others are cordial acquaintances, and some practice “parallel poly” where metamours don’t interact much.

Polycule The network of people in interconnected polyamorous relationships. Like a molecule, hence “polycule.” Can get wonderfully complex—your partner’s partner’s partner is technically in your polycule.

Throuple / Triad Three people in a relationship together. Can be configured many ways—all three dating each other equally (closed triad), or “V” relationships where one person dates two people who aren’t dating each other.

Quad Four people in an interconnected relationship. Often two couples who are all romantically/sexually involved with each other, but configurations vary widely.

Party & Event Terms

Meet & Greet / Munch A vanilla (non-sexual) social gathering for lifestyle people to meet in a casual setting. Usually held at restaurants, bars, or coffee shops. Great for newcomers to meet others without pressure. The term “munch” comes from the BDSM community but is also used in swinging circles.

House Party A private lifestyle party held at someone’s home, usually invitation-only. Smaller and more intimate than club events. Often requires you to know the hosts or be vouched for by existing guests.

Hotel Takeover When a lifestyle group books a block of rooms at a hotel for a weekend party. Usually includes a hospitality suite, themed room parties, and a pool party. Often two-night events allowing participants to use all areas without disturbing other guests. Very popular in the lifestyle community.

Lifestyle Cruise A chartered cruise ship filled with lifestyle participants. Also called “spicy cruises” by some content creators. Clothing-optional deck areas, themed parties, and playrooms. An increasingly popular way to vacation in the lifestyle.

Lifestyle Resort A resort that caters specifically to lifestyle guests. Usually clothing-optional with play areas, hot tubs, and a sex-positive atmosphere. Hedonism II in Jamaica is probably the most famous example.

Clothing Optional Areas or events where nudity is permitted but not required. Nobody will pressure you to strip down, but those who want to can. Different from “nude required” events.

Theme Night Parties with specific dress codes or themes—lingerie night, leather and lace, toga party, glow party, etc. Following the theme shows effort and helps you fit in.

Takeover Suite / Hospitality Suite A hotel room designated as the main party space during a takeover. Usually has food, drinks, and serves as the central gathering point. May have play spaces or lead to bedrooms for play.

Playroom / Play Room A designated space for sexual activity at clubs, parties, or events. Usually has beds or mattresses, dim lighting, and supplies. Rules vary by venue—some allow spectators, others don’t.

Red Room / Dark Room Specific types of playrooms, often with different vibes. Red rooms often have red lighting and romantic vibes. Dark rooms are very dimly lit (or pitch black) and focused on sensation over visuals.

Off Premise A lifestyle club or venue that doesn’t allow sexual activity on-site. Essentially a meet-and-greet location where you socialize and potentially find play partners, but any sexual activity must happen elsewhere.

On Premise A lifestyle club with designated play spaces where sexual activity is permitted and expected. Usually features multiple playrooms, often with different themes, plus voyeurism-friendly setups.

Entertain / Host To provide one’s home as a location for meeting or sexual activities. “Can entertain” or “can host” in profiles means they’re able to have people over.

Travel Willingness to drive or relocate for play opportunities. Often indicates they cannot host at their own home. “Willing to travel” means they’ll come to you or meet somewhere neutral. The opposite of entertain/host.

Communication & Boundaries

Soft No When someone declines in a wishy-washy way that might seem like they could be convinced. In the lifestyle, we don’t accept soft nos—we teach people to give clear nos, and we respect them immediately without negotiation.

Hard No An absolute, non-negotiable boundary. No discussion, no negotiation, no “maybe later.” Everyone should feel empowered to give hard nos about anything, anytime.

Boundary A limit you set about what you’re willing to do or accept. Good boundaries are clear, communicated early, and non-negotiable. Examples: “We don’t play separately,” “I’m not comfortable with anal,” “We don’t exchange phone numbers.”

Compersion The opposite of jealousy—feeling joy when your partner experiences pleasure or connection with someone else. Not everyone experiences compersion, and that’s okay, but many find it develops over time. More than just voyeurism—it’s a deeper sense of happiness knowing your partner is receiving pleasure.

New Relationship Energy (NRE) The intense excitement and infatuation that comes with a new connection. Common in polyamory, but also happens with exciting new play partners in swinging. NRE can make people temporarily less attentive to their primary partner if not managed well.

Negotiation The process of discussing boundaries, desires, and limits before play. Good negotiation is explicit, covers specific acts, and ensures everyone’s on the same page. Never skip this step.

Check-In Pausing during or after activities to make sure everyone is still comfortable and having a good time. Looks like: “Is this still okay?” or “How are you feeling?” Ongoing consent requires ongoing check-ins.

Veto Power An agreement where one partner can call off or stop a situation, no questions asked. Common among couples new to the lifestyle. As couples gain experience, many move away from veto power toward more collaborative decision-making.

Aftercare Checking in with your partner and any play partners after sexual activity. Especially important after intense experiences. Can include physical comfort, verbal reassurance, or just quiet time together.

Hall Pass Permission from your partner to play without them present. Different from an open relationship because it’s usually a one-time or occasional thing rather than an ongoing agreement. “My wife gave me a hall pass for my Vegas trip.”

Online & Profile Terms

Profile A personal page on a lifestyle website where couples and individuals describe themselves and their sexual preferences, as well as listing the kinds of partners and activities they’re looking for. Profiles are normally accompanied by pictures and a means of contact.

PNP “Party and Play” - code for drug use during sexual activity. Most lifestyle venues and communities explicitly prohibit this and will ban people who engage in it. Major red flag in profiles.

420 / 420 Friendly Indicates marijuana use is welcome or acceptable. Not lifestyle-specific but commonly seen in profiles. Some venues allow it, others strictly prohibit all drug use.

D&D Free / DD Free “Drug and Disease Free” - outdated and somewhat stigmatizing term meant to indicate someone doesn’t use drugs and claims to have no STIs. Better to just say “regularly tested” or “practice safe sex.”

Clean / DDF Another outdated term meaning drug and disease-free. Problematic because it implies people with STIs are “dirty.” The lifestyle community is moving away from this language toward more respectful terminology like “recently tested” or “STI status available upon request.”

HWP “Height Weight Proportionate” - Profile shorthand indicating someone is at an average weight for their height. Considered by many to be a more polite way of saying “no overweight people,” though increasingly seen as problematic or body-shaming.

Verified A profile that has been confirmed by the platform or community as real. Usually requires photo verification. Verified profiles are considered more trustworthy.

Certified / Validated When other lifestyle members vouch that they’ve met you and confirm you’re real and respectful. Think of it as lifestyle references. Very valuable on sites like SDC or Kasidie.

Pic Collector Someone who requests photos but never actually meets. Major red flag. They’re likely not really in the lifestyle, just getting off on the images.

Picture Trading Exchanging photos with potential play partners before meeting. Common practice, but be cautious about face pics early on for privacy reasons.

Flake Someone who makes plans but repeatedly cancels or doesn’t show up. Unfortunately common in the lifestyle. Being reliable sets you apart.

Pushy Someone who doesn’t respect boundaries and keeps pushing after being told no. Instant dealbreaker for most experienced lifestyle participants.

Symbols & Signals

Upside Down Pineapple The most famous lifestyle symbol. An upside-down pineapple (on clothing, home decor, cruise cabin door, etc.) can signal you’re in the lifestyle. Not everyone knows this symbol, so don’t assume someone with pineapple decor is necessarily lifestyle.

Black Ring on Right Hand A black ring (especially silicone) worn on the right hand can indicate someone is in the lifestyle or in an open relationship. The ring is typically worn on the middle finger or ring finger. Again, plenty of people wear black rings for fashion, so this isn’t definitive.

Anklet Specifically a “hotwife anklet” usually with a charm—often a spade symbol, key, or simply decorative. Worn by hotwives to subtly signal their status. Usually worn on the right ankle, though this varies.

Pink Flamingos Similar to pineapples, pink flamingos in yard decorations or on RVs at campgrounds might indicate lifestyle participants. This symbol is more common in certain regions and among older generations.

Garden Gnomes In some communities, specific types of garden gnomes or gnome placement is supposedly a lifestyle indicator. Honestly, this one is mostly urban legend, but it persists.

White Landscaping Rocks Another supposed signal that certain people look for. Like many of these symbols, so many vanilla people have white rocks that it’s not remotely reliable.

The Reality of Symbols Here’s the truth: these symbols are hit-or-miss. Many lifestyle people display them, but so do many vanilla people who just like pineapples or flamingos. Never assume someone is lifestyle based solely on a symbol. That said, if you want to subtly signal your lifestyle status at a vanilla resort or campground, an upside-down pineapple is your best bet.

Acronyms You’ll See

MFM Male-Female-Male threesome. Two men with one woman. In some cases, this acronym indicates the men will not play with one another (as opposed to MMF), but that use is not universal.

FMF Female-Male-Female threesome. Two women with one man. In some cases, indicates the women won’t play with each other (as opposed to FFM).

FFM A sexual threesome with two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will play with one another as well as with the man (as opposed to FMF), but that use is not universal.

MFF Same as FFM/FMF. Just different letter order.

MFMF Two couples swapping—two males, two females.

BBW Big Beautiful Woman. Body-positive term for plus-size women.

BBC Big Black Cock. Problematic term that fetishizes Black men, but unfortunately still common in hotwife/cuckold communities. Many are working to move away from this terminology.

BWC Big White Cock. Similarly fetishizing and reductive.

MILF Mother I’d Like to Fuck. Originally derogatory but reclaimed by many as a positive descriptor of attractive mothers.

DILF Dad I’d Like to Fuck. The male equivalent.

PAWG Phat Ass White Girl. Describes women with curvaceous figures, particularly emphasizing the posterior.

ENM Ethical Non-Monogamy. The umbrella term we discussed earlier.

LS Lifestyle. Shorthand for “the lifestyle.”

SLS SwingLifestyle.com—one of the largest lifestyle dating sites. Often used as a verb: “We met them on SLS.”

SDC Swingers Date Club—another major lifestyle dating platform.

YMMV Your Mileage May Vary. What works for one couple might not work for another. Used to acknowledge that lifestyle experiences are subjective.

NSFW Not Safe For Work. Content that’s sexually explicit or inappropriate for vanilla settings.

ISO In Search Of. Used in personal ads: “Couple ISO single female” or “ISO other couples for friendship and play.”

Behavioral Terms

Exhibitionism The act of exposing oneself to others, particularly parts that are generally not exposed. In the lifestyle, exhibitionism extends to enjoying having others watch your sexual activity. Different from illegal public exposure—this is consensual within lifestyle venues.

Voyeurism Gaining pleasure from watching sexual activity. The lifestyle term does NOT refer to “peeping” on unsuspecting people—it’s consensual observation within lifestyle spaces. Many clubs have viewing areas specifically designed for voyeurs.

Advanced Concepts

Kitchen Table Polyamory A poly style where everyone is comfortable sitting together at the kitchen table—your partners, their partners, etc. Emphasizes friendly relationships among metamours.

Parallel Polyamory A poly style where partners don’t interact much with each other’s other partners. Everyone knows about each other but keeps relationships separate.

Relationship Anarchy A philosophy that rejects relationship hierarchies and rules. Each relationship is unique, and you don’t categorize them as “primary,” “secondary,” etc.

Mono-Poly A relationship where one person is monogamous and the other is polyamorous. Requires excellent communication and clear boundaries.

Ethical Slut A reclaimed term (from the book “The Ethical Slut”) describing someone who has multiple consensual sexual relationships. Removes the stigma from the word “slut.”

Compulsory Monogamy The societal assumption that monogamy is the only acceptable or natural relationship structure. Recognizing this helps people understand they have choices.

Couple Privilege The advantages couples have in lifestyle spaces—easier entry to venues, more desirable to other couples, social proof, etc. Recognizing this privilege is important, especially when interacting with single participants.

Unicorn Polyamory Derogatory term for couples seeking a bisexual woman to join their relationship with lots of rules and restrictions. Named because they’re seeking a mythical perfect person while offering an unfair dynamic.

Hierarchical vs. Non-Hierarchical In hierarchical polyamory, you rank partners (primary, secondary, etc.). In non-hierarchical poly, all partners are considered equal, though you might spend different amounts of time with them.

Relationship Escalator The default societal script: date → exclusive → move in → marry → kids. Many non-monogamous people reject the escalator and create their own relationship models.

Red Flag Terms

Drama-Free When people emphasize they’re “drama-free” or want “no drama,” it often means they’ve caused or been involved in significant drama. Genuinely drama-free people don’t need to announce it constantly.

Discreet Can mean someone values privacy (legitimate) or that they’re cheating (red flag). If someone is excessively secretive beyond reasonable privacy concerns, investigate further.

Open-Minded When used as a descriptor, it’s fine. When someone says “we want open-minded people,” it often means they have unusual expectations or want to push boundaries. Proceed with caution.

No Limits / Anything Goes Huge red flag. Everyone should have boundaries. People who claim to have no limits either don’t understand consent or are lying.

First Time / New Not necessarily a red flag, but be cautious. Some people falsely claim to be new to seem less threatening, or because they think experienced couples will be more patient with poor behavior.

Private / Professional Photos Required Could indicate legitimate preferences, but sometimes means unrealistic standards or that they’re pic collectors. Balance is key.

Terms to Avoid

Cheating / Affair These terms don’t apply to consensual non-monogamy. Using them implies wrongdoing where none exists. The lifestyle is the opposite of cheating—it’s honest and agreed upon.

Wife Sharing Outdated and possessive term. Women aren’t property to be “shared.” Better terms: hotwife, vixen, or simply “my partner plays with others.”

Permission / Allowing Implies ownership rather than partnership. Better phrasing: “We’ve agreed that…” or “We’re both comfortable with…”

Normal / Weird These judgments don’t belong in the lifestyle. Different people have different preferences, and that’s fine. Nothing about consensual adult sexuality between people who’ve negotiated boundaries is “weird.”

Real Man / Real Woman Often used to gatekeep or shame. “Real men share their wives” or “Real women don’t get jealous.” This is nonsense. Real people have diverse feelings and preferences.

Regional Variations

Keep in mind that terminology can vary by region, country, and community. The US lifestyle community might use different terms than UK, Australian, or Canadian communities. When in doubt, ask for clarification rather than assume.

Some terms are specific to certain platforms (SLS has its own lingo, as does Reddit’s r/Swingers). Pay attention to context and don’t be afraid to ask what something means.

Putting It All Together

Learning lifestyle terminology is like learning any new language—immersion helps, and you’ll pick it up faster than you think. You don’t need to memorize this entire dictionary before your first event. The basics (full swap, soft swap, unicorn, lifestyle) will get you through most conversations.

What matters more than knowing every term is understanding the principles behind them: consent, respect, communication, and inclusivity. Even if you misuse a term, people will be forgiving if you’re clearly trying to be respectful.

Pro Tips for New Vocabulary Users:

  1. When in doubt, ask. “What does that mean?” is always acceptable.

  2. Don’t assume. Just because someone has a pineapple shirt doesn’t mean they’re lifestyle. Context matters.

  3. Avoid outdated terms. Language evolves. Terms like “clean” or “DDF” are falling out of favor for good reasons.

  4. Use people-first language. “A person in the lifestyle” rather than “a swinger.” “My partner” rather than “my wife” (unless specifying legal status matters).

  5. Don’t fetishize. Terms like BBC reduce people to body parts and race. Use descriptive language without objectifying.

  6. Respect self-identification. If someone calls themselves a cuckold, that’s fine. Don’t call someone a cuckold unless they’ve identified that way.

  7. Keep learning. New terms emerge, old ones fall out of favor. Stay current by being part of the community.

We’ve covered hundreds of terms, but if you only remember one concept, make it this: enthusiastic, ongoing, informed consent is the foundation of everything in the lifestyle.

Every term we’ve defined—from soft swap to compersion—only has meaning in the context of consent. No amount of terminology knowledge matters if you don’t understand and respect boundaries.

Your Lifestyle Vocabulary Journey

Don’t stress about memorizing every term on this list. Bookmark this page, reference it when needed, and gradually you’ll internalize the language naturally through participation and conversation.

The lifestyle is forgiving of linguistic mistakes made in good faith. What matters is your intent to communicate clearly, respect boundaries, and treat people with dignity.

Welcome to the lifestyle. Now you can speak the language—go have those conversations with confidence.

The lifestyle vocabulary is always evolving!